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Come with me to the dark side... Or so I thought.
I used to think of my dad as my hero when I was little. As soon as he comes home from work, I come running at him while crying my lungs out just because I disagreed with someone around the afternoon. Then I remember having lots of fun and laughter during moments of playtime and storytelling, coupled with an audiobook which he tries really hard to imitate. He deepens and lightens his voice if the audiobook does it too, while reading it to me and letting me see the pictures, as the cassette plays.
Years later, though, it seems that the dark side had him influenced. Harsh verbal words everyday, as if you feel being force-choked directly to the heart. Words that scar the child that was once gleefully singing and dancing about the wonders of life. Corrupting everything that has been good and fun, leaving little to none of these things behind. Then after the rain of terror from these burst of harsh and powerful words that makes you feel being force-choked, he brings out his lightsaber to light his cigarette. Only for everyone in the house to get force-choked all at once, coughing here and there, wishing that the lightsaber didn't light up, or that The Force blows the smoke to another direction where we aren't silently sitting at.
Come my late teenage years, I've learned to use The Force to my advantage, and many times tried using it against him, only to fail miserably. He was so wise and powerful, and I was so weak. Many times I wanted him dead. Or asked The Force why he won't just die already. Nothing ever happens. I just end up isolating myself even farther away from him.
But every sith, even a vader, is only evil until you realize why they are the way they are, or when you hear their side of the story...
Robbery, arson, gangs - everything that I never experienced as a child, he experienced in his own. When he was a kid, he watched their house burn down with all their precious belongings, until a relative decided they could stay with them. Of course, not for free. He had to work for it, every day. He assisted in a mechanical shop before and after school. He had friends who once declared a hold up on his commute to work, and they took the passenger's watches and money. This young padawan gave his wristwatch and wallet as well, though he is not an accomplice. The robbers did return him the watch and cash some time that week, and he gave it to them so that the people won't get the idea that he is an accomplice. And walking on the way home, somebody usually leans in on him asking if he has something to give them because they're currently celebrating a birthday while drinking on the streets. He chose giving some spare change rather than fighting the random dude with fists or whatever they had in their pockets.
One day you'll just realize what your father shielded you from. And slowly, maybe, you just accept it. Because it's probably for the best. Maybe your father could have been a monster if he hadn't have left. Maybe he could've dragged the whole family down with him. But what's important is that we realize that they're humans, too. And that they make mistakes. But we still get to decide what to do with our own lives, with or without their guidance.
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